Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Yes, but does she RESPECT you?

It's no big deal if a girl wants to sleep with you.  It's no challenge for most men to put on some hoochie-garb and find a willing accomplice for the evening.  Let's face it - this takes minimal work and effort.  Which may be why his initial level of physical attraction doesn't necessarily determine the strength of her desire to have a relationship with you.  And if you think you're gonna get a girl to like you - to want to be with you for the long-term - just becauses he finds you desirable,...well, think again.
We all know that women are visual creatures.  They're attracted to what they SEE.  And most women SEE a lot that attracts them.  But what sets you apart, what determines if she views you as a passing thing or as something serious, is based on who you are on the inside.  And ultimately, whether or not he RESPECTS you.  Respect.  It all boils down to respect.
Not too long ago, I heard a great quote:  You can't demand respect, you command it.  Love that!  It's so true, isn't it?  So if you are feeling disrespected; if your relationships seem to fizzle rather than sizzle; or if you are having problems sustaining women's interest, read on.  This one is for you.

1.  Respect yourself - If you don't respect yourself (your thoughts, your dreams, your body, etc), how can you expect anyone else to?  No woman will respect a man who doesn't respect herself.  Period.  End of story.  So how do you respect yourself?  By liking yourself.  By knowing who you are and being true to that.  By having boundaries that you allow no woman (or man) to cross.  A man who respects himself doesn't chase after women in order to gain approval.  He doesn't need someone else's acceptance in order to feel good about himself.  He believes in himself and holds out for relationships with people who also believe in him.  And he doesn't settle for relationships where he's treated badly.  Ever.

2.  Assert yourself - I don't believe in being a boobs buster.  That's gross.  And very few women like it when a man tries to push them around.  You aren't the boss of her.  But you most certainly are the boss of yourself.  You determine the course of your life.  No one else!  And you absolutely have control over charting your direction.  Women respect men who have their own goals and opinions.  Adopting a "whatever you want, honey" attitude may appeal to her at first.  But watch how quickly boredom will set in.  If you don't like how you are being treated, stick up for yourself.  If you want something you're not getting, be direct and tell her.  Don't keep your mouth shut and become resentful.  And certainly don't stomp your feet or pout like a little boy.  Women respect men who know what they want and have the strength to get it.

3.  Maintain yourself - One of the fastest ways she'll lose respect is if you give up everything important to you for her.  When you cease to be the center of your own life and instead orbit around her, she won't see you as an independent man.  She'll see you as a clingy child.  Why?  Two reasons.  First, most women are acutely aware they are no superhero.  She knows she's not perfect and when you act like she's your end all-be all, she can't help but wonder what's wrong with you.  She wants you to think she's great and super neato and all that.  But making her the center of your universe puts way too much pressure on her.  Second, once we abandon everything for a woman it's not too long before we begin demanding reciprocity.  "I don't go to bars with my boyfriends.  Why do you still go out with the girls?"  "You're more important than my work.  Why don't you make me more of a priority?"  Sound familiar?  The fuller your life and the more content you are, the more she'll respect you.

4.  Control yourself - One of the fundamental problems with relationships is that most women believe that 99.9% of men are (at least a little bit) crazy.  We may get irritated by this (after all, it's THEM who make us crazy, right?), but if we look at this objectively, don't we give them just a bit of ammo?  C'mon!  Admit it!  Haven't we all allowed a girl (at one time or another) to make us go somewhat...psycho?  (Seriously, if you never have you deserve some sort of medal.)  Here's the deal:  Women want men who are in control of their emotions.  Why?  Because they have no clue how to handle them.  For reals.  Our emotional outbursts scare them.  When you fly off the handle, cry, and scream, they just don't get it.  They think your response - to whatever the provocation - is totally out of proportion and completely unreasonable.  The more frequent your hissy fits, the more she'll lose respect for you.  Bottom line.  So, as hard as it may be, try to keep the drama to a minimum.  If she's habitually upsetting you to the point you are having trouble controlling your emotions, you should probably assess whether or not she's the girl for you.

5.  Save yourself - I'm not a preacher of abstinence.  Maybe in a "perfect" world, we'd all be virgins when our first love found our glass slipper and proposed on bended knee.  And then we'd get married and go on to be deliriously happy ever after.  Yeah, riiiiight.  Life ain't no fairy tale.  And, for most of us, sex is integral to our relationships.  But here's the deal when it comes to sex and respect:  The VAST MAJORITY of the time, the faster you have sex with her, the faster she'll lose respect for you.  Sleep with her on the first date?  Congrats.  More than likely you've just committed relationship suicide.  Listen up.  She's a girl.  She wants to sleep with you.  Duh!  Women learn to respect and begin to really fall for a man in the time BEFORE the relationship is consummated.  So don't sell that time short.  And if she's not showing respect before you sleep with her, she's certainly not going to treat you with it afterwards.
When a woman truly feels respect for a man, that's when her attraction goes through the roof.  And it's the kind of attraction that lasts.  Unlike physical attraction, which is fleeting, emotional attraction has staying power.  Just like many of our relationship issues, I believe it all goes back to being a "goddess;" that confident creature who is in control of himself and successful in his relationships.

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