Listening Skills

You probably spend more time using your listening skills than any other kind of skill. Like other skills, listening takes practice.

What does it mean to really listen?

Real listening is an active process that has three basic steps.
1. Hearing. Hearing just means listening enough to catch what the speaker is saying. For example, say you were listening to a report on zebras, and the speaker mentioned that no two are alike. If you can repeat the fact, then you have heard what has been said.
2. Understanding. The next part of listening happens when you take what you have heard and understand it in your own way. Let's go back to that report on zebras. When you hear that no two are alike, think about what that might mean. You might think, "Maybe this means that the pattern of stripes is different for each zebra."
3. Judging. After you are sure you understand what the speaker has said, think about whether it makes sense. Do you believe what you have heard? You might think, "How could the stripes to be different for every zebra? But then again, the fingerprints are different for every person. I think this seems believable."

Tips for being a good listener

1. Give your full attention on the person who is speaking. Don't look out the window or at what else is going on in the room.
2. Make sure your mind is focused, too. It can be easy to let your mind wander if you think you know what the person is going to say next, but you might be wrong! If you feel your mind wandering, change the position of your body and try to concentrate on the speaker's words.
3. Let the speaker finish before you begin to talk. Speakers appreciate having the chance to say everything they would like to say without being interrupted. When you interrupt, it looks like you aren't listening, even if you really are.
4. Let yourself finish listening before you begin to speak! You can't really listen if you are busy thinking about what you want say next.
5. Listen for main ideas. The main ideas are the most important points the speaker wants to get across. They may be mentioned at the start or end of a talk, and repeated a number of times. Pay special attention to statements that begin with phrases such as "My point is..." or "The thing to remember is..."
6. Ask questions. If you are not sure you understand what the speaker has said, just ask. It is a good idea to repeat in your own words what the speaker said so that you can be sure your understanding is correct. For example, you might say, "When you said that no two zebras are alike, did you mean that the stripes are different on each one?"
7. Give feedback. Sit up straight and look directly at the speaker. Now and then, nod to show that you understand. At appropriate points you may also smile, frown, laugh, or be silent. These are all ways to let the speaker know that you are really listening. Remember, you listen with your face as well as your ears!

45 Rules for Life

There are some really good instructions, rules, and/or words of wisdom in this list. You may not agree with all of these but it's worth reading.

1 – Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2 – Memorize your favorite poem.
3 – Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
4 – When you say, “I love you,” mean it.
5 – When you say, “I’m sorry,” look the person in the eye.
6 – Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7 – Believe in love at first sight.
8 – Never laugh at anyone’s dreams.
9 – Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.
10 – In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11 – Don’t judge people by their relatives.
12 – Talk slow but think quick.
13 – When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile, and ask, “Why do you want to know?”
14 – Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15 – Call your mom.
16 – Say “bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.
17 – When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
18 – Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
19 – Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
20 – When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
21 – Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
22 – Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, conversational skills will be as important as any other.
23 – Spend some time alone.
24 – Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
25 – Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
26 – Read more books and watch less TV.
27 – Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll get to enjoy it a second time.
28 – Trust in God but lock your car.
29 – A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
30 – In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
31 – Read between the lines.
32 – Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
33 – Be gentle with the earth.
34 – Pray. There’s immeasurable power in it.
35 – Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
36 – Mind your own business.
37 – Don’t trust a person who doesn’t close his/her eyes when you kiss him/her.
38 – Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
39 – If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth’s greatest satisfaction.
40 – Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
41 – Learn the rules then break some.
42 – Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
43 – Judge your success by what you had to give in order to get it.
44 – Remember that your character is your destiny.
45 – Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.